Fear

Lately, I was so obsessed with Hello Kitty McDonaldLand crossover plushies just because of fear. I guess the fear in me took the toll and plunged me back to the dark memories of my past.

I was a timid kid who always felt insecure when in school or public area. I had never feel so nervous and scared of attending my private tuition as I was always ended up as an entertainment outlet by the bullish son of the tutor. Unfortunately, other tuition mates joined in the bullying party lead by him. And he became my greatest ever enemy of my life. One of them even harassed me sexually but I was so timid to resist such embarrassment. I hated them so much that I started to isolate myself from them since then.

I felt suicidal throughout my teenage life. "Could I live past 18years old?" was the frequent question popped out in my head before I slept each every night. I had to sleep with my favorite teddy bear to sooth my aching heart. I hated them so much that I studied hard to excel over them. Books were the only consolation I could find in that I survived the ordeal.

Hatred, anger, revenge, sadism, fear; that's what I learnt and cultivated in me. They became habits. Fear leads to hatred. Hatred leads to anger. Anger leads to suffering. They seems like a karma that I couldn't let go yet till now. When I encounter difficult times, they come back easily to haunt me.

I have to sleep with Kitties tonight.