Random Memory of Past and Present

Life in university is indeed exciting, filled with surprises and happy moments as much as sad and disappointing experiences. Perhaps the tiredness of working, coupled with "The Grey Havens" and "Twilight and Shadow" soundtrack environment, brought me back to the time when I was embarking on a new turning point of my life in the late 2003.

I was struggling emotionally with my second job after graduation in Senawang. With pure luck, I got the opportunity to pursue a postgraduate research thus able to terminate my seemingly bleak job in Senawang. Yet I couldn't recall on how I managed to get to this. Going back to study in 2003.

Starting a postgraduate life was blissfully smooth owing to my friend who was already there pursuing similar postgraduate when I arrived back to continue study. I still recall the look of me when I first reached my friend's place the very first day. Stressed-out old. Life could be difficult if not for my friend's care and help.

Postgraduate research was easy when I had burning passion and interest to pursue to the completion, though it seems to be very tough in the perspective of others. I might be either lucky or good enough to complete my research within one and a half year. Getting a master degree is one of the proud achievements in my life yet it also signifies the laughing stock of me owing to my present state. Lowly and pitiful. Am I?

I went through a nine-month work with underpaid compensation and overqualified capacity. Had been slaved terribly the first two months quietly before fighting over for a better assignment. Subsequent months were blissfully easy and good. Yet my conscience and rebelliousness overwhelm me recently. I thought I went insane the last Monday when I didn't feel any motivation or interest to do my job. I could just walk out from the office heading back to my bed to sulk up like a baby.

More or less, depression I am having now. It could be the worst since when I throw out everything of my life the last June. Nevertheless, I did not and do not have any regret over it. Yet the choice I took subsequently is apparently not much better than the former.

5th August is coming soon. Brave up. Sigh...